Nachoism

Der Weg

The Holy Book of Nachoism

BOOK ONE

On the first Thursday, there was Maizious. Maizious was then, is now, and shall be forever, all powerful. Maizious was alone in the universe, and he was sad.

To cure his sadness, he decided to create nachos. He spake thus, saying "Hey, gimme some Nachos!" And nachos came into existence from the void. Maizious ate the nachos, and the nachos were good, and Maiziouswas pleased.

The nachos brought to Maizious a strange sensation to his holy mouth. This sensation Maizious called thirst. It was not a happy feeling and that too saddened Maizious. To cure his thirst, he decided to create beer.

He spake thus, saying "Hey, gimme some Beer!" And beer came into existence from the void. Maizious drank the beer, and the beer was really good, and Maizious was pleased that his thirst was no more.

Maizious enjoyed the Nachos immensely. He enjoyed the beer, too, but he was still sad. Then he realized that he was sitting in the dark of the nethervoid.

Maizious took a bunch of Nachos and began to mold them into a giant round sphere he called a Ball. He took the Nacho Ball and placed it in the void. There was no light, so Maizious could only use his god-like (what other kind does he have?) powers of E.S.P. to sense the Nacho Ball. He really wanted to see it.

Maizious spake thus saying "Hey you! Nacho Ball! Why don't you start on fire?" And the Nacho Ball started on fire. It was hot and Maizious was standing too close to the Nacho Ball.

"Son of a..." he cried. The he decided to name the Nacho Ball the Sun.

Now that Maizious had created the Sun, he wanted someplace to sit. He made some more balls out of Nachos, billions and billions of little Nacho balls. He made nine kinda big ones and put them all in a line with the Sun. He actually made ten, but he steped on the fifth one and made a lot of little nacho ball chunks. Maizious made all the little billions of nacho balls glow, and he pasted them in the void, which he called space.

Maizious was pleased with what he had made. He sat on each Nacho ball in order. The first nacho ball was too close to the Sun. It was too hot.

The Second Nacho ball was still too close to the Sun, plus it was extra hot because of all the gas Maizious left there from his previous Nacho and Beer expieriences.

But the third Nacho Ball was just right. Not too hot, not too warm, not to cold. He named this Nacho ball Earth, which means "good enough for now."

Maizious liked the Earth. It had great mountains for him to rest his back on and deep valleys for him to place his feet in and it had vast, flat plains for him to sleep on.

One day, Maizious was eating his Nachos and drinking some beer. All of the sudden, he splurted his beer out on to the Earth, and that beer became the oceans.

"I damn it!" quoth Maizious, "I can't see the friggin' Sun! Those stupid Nacho Balls are in the way, and they made me spill my beer!"

Maizious was pissed. He shouted at those Nacho balls to move, and they started to orbit around the Earth.